Woodsy Path
County Kerry, Ireland
A wise little girl once told me that love was more than saying "I love you," but must be felt by the heart and reciprocated with the same heartfelt connection. Without that, it is not really love.
Her words helped me to realize that love was a four-dimensional word that must be experienced through time. Though we may try to capture it through writing, music, or speech, its spiritual essence cannot be reduced to three or two-dimensional space. Love is not just a verb; it is a multi-actioned-verb.
This past week, a couple of different experiences involving love came to my attention: the weekend visit of my daughter and her boyfriend and a mother's struggle with a drug-addicted young adult. Life's circumstances challenge us to be committed to love in complicated and multifaceted ways, instructing us in what love is and what it is not. Read on for my reflections!
The Little Red Hen's Lesson on Love
Knowing when to share your love
Remember the story of The Little Red Hen where the little red hen made her loaf of bread from seeds she planted? Every time she asked for help from her barnyard friends, no one was willing to help, but when her loaf was done, everyone wanted to eat it. The story's moral message is, of course, "if you want to enjoy something, you need to help with the share of work along the way."
Using this story as an allegory, have you ever felt like the little red hen when it comes to love? Have you ever felt like you had to do all the work and other people just took advantage of your labors? That there was a lack of give and take?
When it comes to love, would you be able to respond like the little red hen and tell the others, "No," and be able to love yourself, without feeling obligated to share your love with someone who's unwilling or unable to love you back?
By nature, love is magnanimous and forgiving. It doesn't keep score on what is owed or when it's due. Love's spiritual source is truly unconditional and unlimited.
However, love and life's growth comes from an ongoing cycle of receiving and giving. It is not a stagnant, one-sided experience, nor can it flow in one direction without being replenished. And just because it is unconditional and unlimited doesn't mean it should be squandered and misused.
This weekend, my brilliant, gorgeous daughter brought her boyfriend to meet me for the first time. She has done this in the past with other boyfriends because she values what I think of them. She wants an objective opinion of the guy from someone whom she trusts because she knows that even though her love is deep, forgiving, and generous, she wants a relationship that would reciprocate her love over the course of her lifetime—someone worthy of her heart.
In another instance, I counseled someone not to let her young adult child struggling with addiction move back home with her. Her child needed treatment and to experience real consequences, not someone to enable the habit. His belligerent and angry rejection of treatment made it clear that he was not ready for recovery. In this instance, love meant setting strong boundaries and having the courage to do what was right and good, not what was easy.
St. Patrick's Church on Inchagoill Island
Cong, Ireland
What I have come to believe about love is that given how precious it is, it deserves to be respected and valued.
There were plenty of barnyard animals willing to eat the little red hen's loaf of bread even though they were too lazy to give her a helping hand. What they wanted, without any effort on their part, was neither deserved nor earned. I think it's a useful lesson on love for us to keep in mind.