I've been scratching my head about what to write this week—the final week of 2019.
It's not that I have a shortage of ideas. I've written two articles already, one on the difference between insight and wisdom and the other on the importance of letting go. Although both carry an important message, I still felt that they were not quite right for this special time of year.
What is of central importance for this moment in time? As I asked this question, the answer finally came: time. Time and balance. What do I mean by balance?
Balance as in the remaining balance of time we have in our lives.
Balance as in how to maintain balance in the ebb and flow, the ups and downs of life.
Read on for my reflections on the balance of time and may 2020 provide you with perfect vision on your life moving forward! Have a great week!
On the Balance of Time
What to do with the remaining time in our lives?
Walking together into the new decade
At this pivotal moment in time, before starting a new year and a new decade, I think about the overarching spiritual purpose of my life and how to invest my time wisely as I move forward.
Many years ago, I had a dream right before my birthday that felt like a spiritual assessment of my performance at a milestone in my life. I was in a classroom full of students and had just finished taking a test. When I got my score back, I saw that I had gotten a 30. I felt like a failure. After all, 30 was a failing grade (right?). However, before I awoke, I was told that 30 was actually a very good score. It was three times higher than the typical score and meant that I had done a lot with the life I'd been given so far.
I also remember a moment with a powerful energy medicine mentor, when she told me that I had "done enough." She meant that if I were to stop where I was in my holistic approach, that I would have already done enough as a practitioner. But, of course, it was not nearly enough for me, though I appreciated her magnanimous judgment of my work. That session occurred in 2004, during the infancy of my understanding of energy medicine.
What is failing and what is excelling? What is enough? What remains to be completed in the time we are given?
Part of navigating the waters ahead depends on our skill with balance. "Balance" here refers to the tricky process of knowing when to apply what we already know at the right time and in the right way. I had written two articles for this week, one on compassion and one on letting go (of jerks) and other unpleasant baggage. Each had a very different tone and yet, offered important guidance. What allows both to co-exist in my life depends on the ability to balance the joy of generosity with the caution of discretion.
I've been challenged to do just that over the past few weeks. For example, I've been called "beautiful angel" and showered with gratitude by some. Alternatively, I've been scolded for lacking compassion and being thoughtless by others. I am the same person, but I am seen so differently through the lens of different people. As a psychiatrist, this whiplash of transferential projections from different people can sometimes leave me feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.
How do I manage my feelings? How do I grow from my challenges? How does a psychiatrist maintain equilibrium in the sea of chaos? By processing my struggles in my own therapy and talking about it with wise friends who know me. By reflecting and writing about my experiences as I journal. By using the same therapeutic tools I recommend to others.
The process of living life fully is the same for everyone. We continue to learn and grow through our mistakes. We move forward despite our fear of the unknown, taking comfort in what we do know and in our past triumphs. We work to find our purpose and worth and become clearer about who we truly are. May we gain strength in knowing that we are not alone in our life journeys.