For the third and final podcast interview with Dr. David Kopacz, we explore the challenges of activism and social responsibility in the face of dangerous lies that create illness within society. We discuss how to treat others with respect despite polarized politics and how to address unresolved issues within society as healers of our community.
In alignment with Dr. Kopacz's interview topic this week, I want to share my insights on why people fight with each other from a holistic psychiatrist's perspective. Hopefully, as we notice these tendencies within ourselves, we can consciously create peaceful, harmonious relationships.
Have a great week!
Four Reasons Why People Fight
How to build peaceful, harmonious relationships
Just today, I woke up to find an early text about a family having a fight. Initially, the individual wanted help for her angry son, who is my patient. However, the problem quickly resolved when she stepped back, examined her own relationship patterns, and let go of those patterns.
Our social energy field reflects our state of health in other fields of being: spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. However, it can also be a powerful influence on those areas of being as well. To heal our social state of being, it is important to heal the following common social symptoms of illness:
1. The fight or flight state of mind: Do you ever find yourself having an internal dialogue defending or arguing with someone in a pretend potential conflict? The conflict/event hasn't even happened, but you're already anticipating it and preparing a rebuttal?
When we feel stressed or anxious about something, we can easily release a lot more adrenaline, the fight-or-flight hormone. This puts us in a sympathetic instead of a parasympathetic state of functioning, the kind that prepares our nervous system for a fight or an avoidant response.
When you notice yourself in this state of being, do some calming Energy Breaths. Step back and gain some insight. Allow yourself to be open to Life as a teacher and be an attentive student.
2. The need to be right: If I ever get in a conflict with a patient, I usually find that the patient's need to be right will win over their need to be healed, indeed, even their need to live. Pride is a demanding master.
The flexibility to shift and change one's perspective and to learn from one's mistakes requires humility. Therefore, humility is a strength and an asset. To lessen the need to be right, begin with, "I don't know," and "Let me understand."
3. The need to control: Once, I heard a father say in front of his daughter, who had already attempted suicide, "I would rather she die than not obey me." Several years later, I got a call from his wife, who shared that his younger son was in the hospital after a suicide attempt, but the father was not aware of this. I assumed that over the years, the father had not changed his attitude.
Fear is often at the foundation of one's need to control others. There are many reasons why people justify a narcissistic need to control someone else's life in a stifling manner. However, most people can barely control themselves much less another person's life, and if they try, they typically fail spectacularly.
Let the acorn grow into an oak tree and stop trying to make it into an ornamental bush. It's not going to work. In the end, the frustrated gardener will just throw the pruning shears away, and mutter, "After all I've done! This ungrateful plant!"
4. Lack of empathy: This often happens under stress due to physiological reasons, but also comes as a result of our need to be right and to control others. The lack of ability to put oneself in someone else's shoes hurts people, plants, animals, and the Earth.
Once a patient asked me if they could send negative energy to hurt someone else. I said, "Yes, but you would be hurting yourself first."
To heal this lack of compassion for others, begin by observing how one lacks compassion for oneself. Ask yourself, "how would I feel if I were in the same situation?" Take care of yourself as you would take care of a good friend. Ask yourself what you want, feel, and need. Take time to rest from society's constant demands, not with a sense of guilt, but with a sense of compassion for all that you've done already.
I hope these reflections help you to create a healthier social state of being where you attract loving friendships wherever you go in life.
Have a lovely week!
The Holistic Psychiatrist Podcast (Ep. 10):
Exploring integrative and holistic healing
at all levels of being with Dr. David Kopacz (part 3 of 3)
Check out the teaser for part 3 of our series with Dr. David Kopacz!
Dr. David Kopacz is the author of three books: Re-humanizing Medicine, Walking the Medicine Wheel, and Becoming Medicine. He is a holistic psychiatrist practicing in Seattle, WA in the VA system, helping veterans heal from trauma.
Click here for the full episode available on Wednesday.
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